How did i get to this point in my life ...

that my happiness is based on whether this person calls me.

hmmmm.....

Why is it that when you're sick or in pain either emotionally or physically is the time you start thinking about life.

Thinking of you

Its 2 am, and here i am thinking of you.

I've just read that wonderful email you sent me the first time we said goodbye. I will never forget that day, you rushing to get ready to go to the airport, and i can't stop crying.

We should have left it at that, thinking about it now, even at that time i knew it was a mistake for us to get back together, but i can't help it, it felt so wonderful being in your arms again, being with you again. We spent practically every night together, i cherish those moments. Do you?

I dont think you even think of me now.

Do i regret whatever that have happened between us? yes i do. why?

i regret the lost friendship. If both of us left things as it is, just be friends from the beginning, i would not be without your friendship now.

I wish for soo many things, how i wish i did not fall in love with you. or make it known to you. It would have been better if i just kept it to myself. I can remember how i was more excited about going back to that boring place then spending more time at home, cause i was going to see you...to be with you.

Did you ever love me? i think not. you said once that love is actually lust. i was shocked to hear you said that, and at that point, i knew...it was not love. I was available, you were bored. but i was a goner...i've already fallen in love with you at that stage.

Am i that easy to forget? i guess so.

i dont believe in love anymore. i dont think it exists.

will i fall in love again? no. i will not put myself thru that situation ever again. i can't be another guinea pig for somebody else while they figure out whether the experiment is a success or not. I can not live thru another heart break. My heart is too fragile now and forever.

Love is cheap...it is so easy for anybody to say it...to text it....to express it

You have moved on now, she must be pretty.

i am not ugly, i know that. i'm just not suitable for you. i dont talk/dress/act a certain way that a your girl should be.


Am i that easy to forget? pretty much so...

How time flies

I posted the last entry in September. Little that I know at that time, how my world was about to crash around me. I have hit rock bottom (I hope!) I was dumped, hence lost a friend that I love and treasure, I received the first & worst complain from an unsatisfied customer at work, home was buglarised twice within two weeks, self esteem was at the lowest cause i know the reason why i was dumped cause i am fat & ugly (i am not putting myself down, i am realistic about my looks & appearance), cash flow was non-existant (customers not paying).

How did I handle it? I stop talking. I gave up, I used to hide my feelings well, nobody knows whatever i was going through, but not this time, i do not have the energy to do that. Everybody was worried, but was afraid to ask, and i was not in the mood to explain. They just continue to wonder, what happen to this usually bubbly, happy go lucky girl that they know.

How am I now? Slightly better, I still dont talk much. Time will tell i guess.