it still hurts

the person that i love is with somebody else right now.
i'm begging you for forgiveness for what i have planned. I'm asking for your permission your blessing. It is a great sin, I know. i'm tired, i'm not strong as i believed. i can not continue this life as it is and i dont see any changes. i am telling you now that i can't go thru another year of my life in this dissapointed state. another few months, he will be engage, and then married. i do not have the strength to standby the sideline and watch the man that i love achieved happiness with somebody else while i continue to live in darkness. please forgive me. i have to go. this life challenges are too great for me to bear. my birthday would be the best time for me to go and i can't live another year of bleakness.
forgive me.