why??????????????

i hate you!!!!!
i hate you!!!!!

why....why.....can't i be treated the same like all of your other friends!!!!

why are you hostile to me?????????

why are you nice to everybody else except me????????????

you dont want to be with me..... I KNOW!.....i accept it..... why must you hate me then ?
i've left you alone, i never bothered you, we only communicate if you initiate it......so..what else do you want???



why...why....do i always fall for those that dont love me back?

who me?

this is my horoscope for today:

You're the belle of the ball right now. All happy hours and parties are devoted to your honor. Hob nob with the stellar crowd. The old standbys can wait, and they'll understand. The stars stress social standing. You'll make a killer connection.


i dont think so......

must be for some other lucky, happy aquarians..

i can't do this anymore

it is getting more and more difficult to live this life.

i just dont have the energy any more to pretend that everything is ok.

i still have not decided on the method that i'm going to use, i have to think of one quick. I dont think i can wait till next year. life is just getting too much for me. i just dont belong here.

Dear You,

from the many wrong decisions i've made in my life, this is the one i regretted most. We should not have remained friends. I wanted so much to be with you that i fooled myself into thinking that this could work. I tried so hard to be your friend, and the only reason you endure it is because i can come in handy sometimes. i'm useful, like a tool. that is all i am. you dont even see me as a person, you just see me as this convenient go to person. you regard me just like any machine, tool, equipments that you use that you can yell abuse at. i dont see you doing that to your other friends. you dont call them stupid, you dont curse them. and yet here i am hoping for your love.

i'm totally empty.
i'm a coward for wanting to end it all, but this pain is just unbearable.

Appreciate what you have

i'm quite appreciative of what i have. a supportive family who are wondering what is happening with me.

for the past few years, i've beginning to detach myself from the family, hoping that they will not notice my absent. for now, i have to say, i've done it, they are used to the idea of me not being around so it wouldnt hit them that bad.

i've no desire to be remembered. everybody can forget me once i'm gone.

Him

Lake House is on tv.

and i'm lying here missing him so much.

We're supposed to be friends, but why can't he be nice to me?

i pretty sure he treats his other friends better, so why single me out. I guess i am trying too hard to be his friend, to show i'm over him, to prove we're cool. when everytime we meet all i want to do is reach out and touch him.

i miss him.

well, soon it is not going to matter anymore. once i'm gone, he will not even remember i exists.

and i miss him.

some people are just lucky

read a blog today about this girl and how she is so thankful to be with her boyfriend, to be loved.

i'm happy for her. she's one of the lucky ones.

you know, i wonder sometimes, what i have done to offend You so. I should not be concerned about other people and how they conduct their life, but it is just that sometimes i feel that they have done much worse things than me and their "punishments" are minor compared to mine.

is that it? i can never do anything right? am i setup to fail? with what i'm equipped with...i can't fight it, You know that.

still on the same track

yes. nothing happened tonight or the past weeks have made me change my mind. I'm still on the same track. Still determined to go ahead with it. this my last entry, i've been looking at my surroundings and asking myself whether i am going to miss any of these....and the answer was NO.
actually, i'm convinced i dont belong in this world. there is no place for me. everybody have their place, their purpose in this life. I'm just drifting around. if i'm not around then there is less one person to polute the environment.

YOU have been good to me. I'm still working. still healthy. I'm being ungrateful. I just dont understand why i am not worthy of love. why can't i be with the person i love.